Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
