Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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