So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
