Who wears a wallet chain?!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
