So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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