I love black thongs
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
