and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
