Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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