Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
