I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
