i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
