Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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