Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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