need another drink. this is the easiest way
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You peed on a flamingo?!?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
