I think i peed on brittanys purse
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
