That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize