No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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