I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
