im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
