How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
