Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
