Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
