A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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