After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
