y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
