I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
