I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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