he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
