Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
