i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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