Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
