I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Of course I have a pirate flag
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
