see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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