They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
