i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
