i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize