mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
