I just saw a hot homeless man
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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