Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have demons in me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
