my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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