The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
