you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
