Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
