I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
