I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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