to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
