I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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