Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
