What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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