i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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