So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't deserve a penis
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize