I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
