I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
