I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
