I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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