I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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