don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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