"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
