I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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