NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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