Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
