did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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