The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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