I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
