Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We need to get me chipped asap
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