Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize