I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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