A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
