Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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