dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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