i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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