; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
