yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
