It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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