So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
