I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize