there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
