I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize