Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
So. Much. Porn.
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